How to Shift Out of the Midlife Malaise

Coping Regret

Addressing midlife regrets involves understanding the inevitability of missing out on certain life choices. Kieran Setiya explains that value pluralism, the existence of multiple valuable paths, guarantees some level of regret as one cannot pursue every opportunity 1. He suggests embracing this inevitability as a reflection of life's richness rather than a failure.

We sort of want, if we're thinking clearly, to sort of lean into the inevitability of missing out, because it's a way of acknowledging and rightly acknowledging how the richness of the world and how much there is out there to appreciate and value.

--- Kieran Setiya

Setiya also discusses regrets over past decisions, emphasizing that while some mistakes are unavoidable, they often lead to unforeseen positive outcomes 2.

   

Value Decisions

The value of past decisions can be seen in the attachments and relationships they foster. Kieran Setiya highlights how even regrettable choices contribute to the meaningful connections in our lives 3. He argues that reflecting on these decisions can reveal their hidden benefits, such as personal growth and the development of a stable identity.

There's a kind of risk here, akin to some of the risks we talked about before, of abstracting too much, sort of asking these grand, cartoony questions about how do I wish my life had gone without properly appreciating the particular aspects of your life that are actually good.

--- Kieran Setiya

Setiya suggests that while options are valuable, the limitations they impose can also provide clarity and focus, reducing the stress of endless possibilities 4.