Published Apr 15, 2022

394: The science of venting your feelings | Psychologist Ethan Kross, Ph.D.

Psychologist Ethan Kross delves into the science of venting emotions versus effective processing, offering insights on managing internal chatter, and selecting supportive 'chatter advisors' for a balanced mental state.
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Episode Highlights

  • Venting Limitations

    Venting emotions is often seen as a way to relieve stress, but argues that it doesn't always lead to emotional resolution. He explains that while venting can strengthen relationships by showing that someone cares enough to listen, it doesn't necessarily help people work through their emotions or gain closure 1. Instead, venting can keep individuals stuck in a negative thought loop, or "chatter," which can hinder focus and well-being 2.

    If all you do is vent about how you feel, that doesn't actually help people work through, doesn't help broaden people's perspective and allow them to reach a sense of closure.

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    Kross emphasizes the need for conversations that not only validate feelings but also help broaden perspectives to achieve emotional closure.

       

    Productive Processing

    For effective emotional processing, suggests seeking out "chatter advisors" who can listen and help broaden your perspective rather than just fueling the fire of negative emotions 3. He advises being selective about who you talk to, as not everyone can provide the constructive support needed to move past emotional turmoil.

    There are lots of people in my life who love me a great deal, and I love them. I never talk to them about my chatter because I know all they're going to do is keep me really upset.

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    Additionally, Kross highlights the concept of "invisible support," where assistance is provided without drawing attention to the act, thereby easing the burden without adding pressure 4.