Published October 2022 on YouTube

743: Dr. Ramani | How to Protect Yourself from a Narcissist Part Two

1. Introduction

Dr. Ramani provides practical advice on how to deal with narcissistic people, using the analogy of a tiger's cage to illustrate the importance of reading the situation correctly. The episode also includes an introduction to The Jordan Harbinger Show and its episode starter packs.+

2. Parental Projection & Narcissistic Friendships

Parental Projection:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how parental projection affects children and their perception of themselves, leading to long-term negative effects on their self-esteem and identity. Jordan Harbinger shares his personal experience dealing with projection and gaslighting from others, highlighting the importance of self-awareness.+
Narcissistic Friendships:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss how narcissistic people only want to associate with high-status individuals who enhance their brand, which is a 21st-century way of describing a narcissist. They also talk about how people who are rejected by narcissistic friends tend to internalize it and wonder what's wrong with them.+

3. Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissistic Relationships:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how narcissistic people view relationships as a transaction and can never be satisfied, leading to a black hole of emptiness. They may stay in long-term relationships for the function it serves, but seek out other sources of supply because nothing is ever enough.+
Envy and Happiness:Dr. Ramani and Jordan discuss how envy is a two-way street in narcissism and how it can lead to sacrificing a happy life for something shiny. They also talk about how narcissistic people don't understand happiness and how it's related to mutual, compassionate, and respectful relationships.+

4. Narcissistic Grandiosity

Narcissistic Grandiosity:Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Jordan discuss the delusional grandiosity of narcissistic people, who often have big ideas and talk about them as if they are actually happening. However, they tend to fail to launch and don't like doing the work required to achieve their goals.+
Grandiosity in Business:Dr. Ramani explains how grandiosity can hinder progress in business and uses the example of Elizabeth Holmes and Theranos to illustrate the dangers of unrealistic expectations.+
Schadenfreude and Fairness:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss the concept of schadenfreude, the pleasure one experiences at another person's misfortune, and how it relates to narcissism. They also touch on the idea of fairness and how some people rationalize the success of others as being less meritorious or purely lucky.+

5. Narcissistic Behavior

Narcissistic Behavior:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how narcissistic people react to others' success and how it affects their friendships. Narcissistic people often diminish others' accomplishments and are vindictive when slighted because external image is all they have. This behavior makes it hard to maintain a friendship with them, and sometimes people in these relationships feel guilty at succeeding where the narcissist is not.+
Narcissism and Nationalism:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how narcissistic people are prone to racism and nationalism due to their need to pump themselves up by dismissing entire groups of people. This fosters an us-them mentality and reflects a lack of empathy. Narcissistic people also have a hostile attribution bias, which is a classical part of narcissism.+
Inconsistent Behavior:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss the inconsistency between the behavior of narcissistic individuals in the outer world and their inner world, using the example of a CEO who paid high wages but was accused of sexual harassment. They explain that narcissists seek validation and recognition, often through philanthropy, but may have contempt for the people they claim to be helping.+

6. Narcissism Unveiled

Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses the incongruousness of narcissistic behavior and how people often soften edges to get what they want from them. She also talks about the concept of cognitive dissonance and how we tell ourselves the stories we need to tell to make the pieces fit.+

7. Sponsors

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8. Narcissistic Manipulation

Narcissistic Abuse:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss how victims of narcissistic abuse can fall for toxic new age gurus who shame negative emotions and use manipulative tactics to keep their followers hooked. They also explore the different types of narcissism, including covert or vulnerable narcissism.+
Narcissism and Pseudoscience:Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses how vulnerable people are targeted by narcissistic individuals who sell pseudoscience as a solution to their problems. She also explains the difference between the egocentricity of children and the choice of narcissistic adults to not use their language and tools.+

9. Understanding Narcissism

Understanding Narcissistic Kids:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how difficult temperaments in childhood can lead to narcissistic personality traits in adulthood. She also discusses how overindulgent parenting can contribute to the development of narcissism.+
Narcissism and Health:Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses how being in a narcissistic relationship can lead to physical illness due to the chronic stress of living with someone who invalidates you. She also explains the concept of perceived partner responsiveness and how it can affect your health.+

10. Narcissistic Parenting

Narcissistic Illness:Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses how narcissistic people react to their partner's illness and how they refuse to take care of them. She also explains how narcissistic parents program their children to suit their perceived wants, leading to unhealthy behavior in adulthood.+
Narcissistic Parenting:Dr. Ramani explains how narcissistic parents hold all the power and don't allow their children to have their own reality. Children are forced to become whatever the parent wants and are shamed for expressing their needs. This leads to children feeling guilty for enjoying their life's successes and not making their parents the center of their world.+
Narcissistic Parenting:Dr. Ramani explains how narcissistic parents can be threatened by their child's success and how this can lead to feelings of guilt and invalidation in the child, even into adulthood.+

11. Sponsors

Dr. Ramani shares insights on how to navigate change and growth, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion. Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss how to recognize toxic relationships and set healthy boundaries, as well as the impact of social media on mental health.+

12. Narcissistic Parents and Relationships

Narcissistic Parents:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss the impact of being raised by narcissistic parents. While the majority of those who grew up with narcissistic parents become anxious and lack self-awareness, some may become narcissistic themselves. The discussion highlights the role of temperament in determining how children turn out.+
Narcissistic Relationships:Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses how people from happy families can fall into narcissistic relationships because they believe in the power of love and the importance of family. However, the trick with narcissistic relationships is that there are good days mixed in with the bad days. The love bombing can seem like a positive thing at first, but it can quickly turn into a red flag. It's important to recognize these signs and get out of the relationship.+

13. Surviving Narcissistic Relationships

Narcissistic Parenting:Dr. Ramani Durvasula discusses how narcissistic parents view their children as leverage during divorce proceedings and how they often prioritize their own desires over their children's well-being. She also explains how some narcissistic parents use their children as a way to create a facade of being a good parent to others.+
Dealing with Narcissists:Dr. Ramani Durvasula shares insights on how to deal with narcissists in our lives. She advises against calling them out and instead recommends building a life outside of the relationship that gives you meaning and purpose. She also emphasizes the importance of radically accepting that the narcissist will never change.+
Surviving Narcissistic Relationships:Dr. Ramani Durvasula provides insights on how to survive narcissistic relationships, including the fight to leave, enduring post-separation abuse, and dealing with narcissistic family members. She also shares a simple trick to survive narcissistic relationships - never go deep, don't defend, engage, explain or personalize.+

14. Setting Boundaries

Setting Boundaries:Dr. Ramani Durvasula shares insights on setting boundaries in toxic relationships. She advises not engaging in conversations that won't go well, not personalizing the other person's behavior, and preparing for grief. She also encourages people to walk into the tiger's cage to see if the other person is amenable to change.+
Dealing with Narcissists:Dr. Ramani Durvasula shares strategies for dealing with narcissistic people, including going no contact and using the gray rocking technique. While no contact is the most extreme stance, it can be effective in protecting oneself. Gray rocking involves being disengaged and boring, which can cause narcissists to lose interest and leave.+

15. Dealing with Narcissists

Dealing with Narcissists:Dr. Ramani Durvasula explains how to deal with narcissists in the workplace by using a technique called "yellow rock" which involves adding a little emotion to the "gray rock" method. This helps maintain polite communication without getting drawn into arguments, making colleagues uncomfortable, or ruining social events.+
Narcissism and Toxicity:Dr. Ramani Durvasula and Jordan Harbinger discuss how society rewards narcissistic behavior and how it can lead to toxicity in relationships, workplaces, and families. They provide insights on how to identify and deal with narcissistic individuals while cautioning against overusing the label. The conversation also touches on the correlation between narcissism and materialism and the challenges of confronting toxic bosses and leaders.+

16. Toxic Relationships

Toxic Relationships:Jordan and Dr. Ramani discuss toxic relationships and how to identify them. They provide tips on documenting evidence of gaslighting and recognizing subtle warning signs, such as pink flags, in toxic friendships.+
Dealing with Narcissists:Jordan shares insights on how to deal with narcissists in our lives. He emphasizes the importance of not feeling pressure to forgive them and instead validating them to manipulate them. He advises not to give them oxygen and to plan self-care activities after dealing with them.+

17. Outro

Dr. Ramani provides insights on how to identify and deal with narcissistic behavior in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and recognizing red flags early on.+