Published June 2022 on Spotfiy

678: Chris Voss | Hostage Negotiation Tactics for Everyday Life

1. Introduction

Chris, a former FBI hostage negotiator, shares his insights on negotiation and how to diffuse negative emotions, generate rapport in difficult situations, and size up the other party. He emphasizes the importance of respecting the other person's perspective and avoiding lying or deception as a long-term strategy.+

2. Hostage Negotiation Techniques

Hostage Negotiation Techniques:Chris, a former kidnapping negotiator with the FBI, shares how he got interested in negotiation and how he advises people to be more effective negotiators using hostage negotiation techniques. He also talks about his transition from SWAT to crisis response and how he worked on over 150 kidnappings in his career.+
Negotiating Kidnappings:Chris Voss shares his experience negotiating kidnappings and how he developed strategies for different scenarios. He also talks about his encounter with Harvard negotiation faculty members and how he impressed them with his open-ended questions technique.+

3. Open-Ended Questions

Power of Open-Ended Questions:Chris shares his experience in hostage negotiation and how open-ended questions, especially the "how" question, can shift the burden of the situation onto the other person and empower them. Jordan and Chris discuss the magic sword of open-ended questions and how it helped in a hostage situation in the jungle.+
Unifying Kidnappers:Chris shares how he shifted his approach to kidnapping negotiations by asking "How do we know so-and-so is alive?" instead of the classic security question, causing a unification on the kidnappers' side.+
Negotiation Team Dynamics:Chris shares insights on how negotiation team dynamics work in both kidnapping situations and business deals. He emphasizes the importance of asking the "how" question to ensure that the entire team is on board and unified, and highlights the significance of proof of life in both scenarios.+

4. Emotional Negotiation

Emotional Negotiation:Chris and Jordan discuss the flaws of traditional negotiation tactics and the importance of emotional intelligence in successful negotiations. They argue that every decision is an emotion-based decision, and that taking feelings into account is crucial for effective negotiation.+
Emotional Influence:Chris explains that emotions are always present in negotiations, no matter the context. The driving force behind decision-making is always "what's in it for me," and it's important to recognize that the person on the other side of the table may be under pressure that you're not aware of.+
Negotiation Types:Chris Voss explains the three types of negotiators: the analytical, the assertive, and the accommodator. These types are based on our instinctive responses and can be identified through tone of voice and behavior. Understanding these types is essential for successful negotiation.+

5. Sponsors

Chris Voss joins the show to discuss the importance of online privacy and how VPNs can help protect our data from hackers and prying eyes. Jordan and Jen also share their own experiences using IPVanish VPN. Plus, a word from our sponsor Zapier on automating routine tasks.+

6. Negotiation Insights

Negotiating with Different Types:Chris explains the three different personality types in a negotiation and how to identify them based on their view of time. He also shares a helpful negotiation skill called "labels" that can draw the other side into a productive conversation.+
Pressure Relief:Jordan and Chris discuss the importance of relieving pressure during high-stakes negotiations, emphasizing the need for open communication and the dangers of leaving negative feelings unresolved.+
Sizing Others Up:Chris Voss, a former FBI hostage negotiator, advises against deception in negotiation. He suggests adding positive skills from other types instead of pretending to be someone you're not. Lying damages relationships and is a bad long-term strategy.+

7. Negotiation Tactics

The Super Bowl Negotiation:Chris Voss shares his experience negotiating a bank robbery with hostages, explaining why lying is never a good option and how he approaches high-pressure situations like they're the Super Bowl.+
Negotiation Pronouns:Chris shares how using plural pronouns in negotiations can hide your influence on your side and make you appear more powerful. He also explains how powerful negotiators use this tactic to defer decision-making and responsibility to others.+

8. Mastering Communication

Mastering Communication:Chris shares his experience negotiating with a master manipulator during a bank robbery and emphasizes the importance of having a wingman to catch all the details in a communication. He explains how one person cannot hear everything and why it's crucial to listen for different types of emotions in a negotiation.+
Communication Breakdown:Chris shares his expertise on negotiation and how to break down communication to get to the core of what someone really wants. He emphasizes the importance of watching body language and listening for specific adjectives, profanity, and cliches. Additionally, having multiple people on both sides of the table can reveal unguarded reactions and incongruence between what a person says and what their body language and the body language of those around them say.+
Resonating with Beliefs:Chris shares how recognizing and using a person's beliefs and adjectives can help build trust and resonate with them, leading to successful communication and business deals.+

9. Sponsors

Chris shares his thoughts on energy drinks and car brands, and the importance of understanding the other side's perspective.+

10. Negotiation Tactics

Slowing It Down:Chris explains that slowing down negotiations actually saves time, as it reduces the number of conversations needed to reach an agreement. He also emphasizes the importance of being similar to the other person only in terms of putting them in a positive frame of mind, rather than imitating their mood or behavior.+
Playful Negotiation:Chris Voss shares his playful negotiation tactics and the effectiveness of mirroring in all three types of negotiations. Mirroring involves repeating the last one to three words of what someone has just said and is a Jedi mind trick that works well in negotiations.+
Influencing with Mirroring:Chris shares the power of mirroring in negotiation and communication. It helps to open up people's thinking and create opportunities for influence. Mirroring also helps to map the terrain of what the other side wants, giving a great pulse of their position.+

11. Diffusing Negatives

Diffusing Negatives:Chris and Jordan discuss the importance of acknowledging negatives and diffusing them in negotiations, using labeling to take the sting out. This brings us to a place of empathy, which is crucial in any negotiation.+
Labeling the Negatives:Chris Voss shares his powerful technique of labeling the negatives in advance during negotiations, which helps to move the conversation forward and prevent misunderstandings. Jordan Harbinger adds his own insights, including the importance of coming in on the back of an argument and expressing empathy to establish a connection with the other party.+

12. Negotiation Tactics

Chris Voss shares insights on negotiation tactics, including the importance of using a nurturing tone of voice, the power of mirroring and labeling, and the concept of the black swan. He emphasizes the importance of treating everyone with respect and not underestimating their potential to help you.+

13. Outro

Jordan shares his insights on how to build and manage relationships using systems, software, and tiny habits. He emphasizes the importance of digging the well before you get thirsty and building relationships before you need them. Jordan also mentions his Six-Minute Networking course, which is free and subscribed to by most of the guests on the show.+