Demanding vs. Defending
Sue explains how in distressed relationships, one partner becomes demanding while the other becomes defensive. The demanding partner is actually asking "where are you?" and uses criticism and anger to get attention.In this clip
From this podcast
The Knowledge Project
Cracking the Code of Love with Dr. Sue Johnson
Related Questions
How do I respond to this kind of mindset?
He gets defensive immediately, even if I'm careful to use "I" statements and avoid personalizing anything. It feels like any concern or issue I raise is perceived as an attack, despite my efforts to remind him that I'm his teammate.
My partner doesn't seem to think it might not be healthy or productive to allow the hurt partner to have their "moment in the spotlight" while discussing that person's hurt or concern.