Dear LK: My parents ran a background check on my boyfriend

Accountability

Accountability plays a crucial role in rebuilding trust, especially when it's been violated. Nedra Glover Tawwab emphasizes that when trust is broken, it's essential for individuals to take responsibility and avoid being defensive. "We have no entitlement to knowing things about people that they don't want us to know," she explains, highlighting the importance of respecting privacy 1. Allowing people the opportunity to demonstrate change is vital for trust to be restored 2.

   

Partner Guidance

Partners affected by trust violations in a family context face unique challenges. Nedra Glover Tawwab advises offering grace and understanding, even when the situation feels unfair. "If you're going to remain in this relationship, you will have to do it and at least be cordial with your girlfriend's parents," she notes, acknowledging the difficulty of maintaining relationships under such circumstances 1. This approach requires vulnerability and a willingness to give the relationship another chance.