Overthinking About Monogamy

Cultural Norms

Amanda Montell and Ellie Anderson explore how societal norms shape our views on monogamy and polyamory. Amanda shares her internal conflict between logic and emotion, highlighting the cognitive dissonance many feel when considering non-monogamous relationships 1. Ellie reflects on the challenges of labeling monogamists as selfish, noting that everyone has their own boundaries and preferences 2.

Monogamy feels like a way for us to deal with the fact that life is uncertain and there's no such thing as forever.

--- Amanda Montell

The discussion reveals that while monogamy is often seen as a default, questioning its role can lead to deeper understanding of personal and societal expectations.

   

Capitalism's Role

The conversation shifts to how capitalism influences relationship structures, particularly monogamy. Amanda and Ellie discuss the notion that monogamy serves as a means to navigate financial stability and companionship in a capitalist society 2. Amanda cites a Huffington Post piece, noting the rise in interest in ethical non-monogamy and questioning whether non-monogamy is more natural than monogamy 3.

The main modern purpose of monogamy is to survive capitalism with joint finances and full-time companionship.

--- Amanda Montell

This perspective suggests that societal structures, including economic systems, play a significant role in shaping our relationship choices.

   

Patriarchal Influence

Ellie examines the patriarchal influences on both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. She highlights how societal expectations, particularly for women, complicate relationship dynamics, often reinforcing traditional gender roles 4. Amanda and Ellie also discuss how queer communities offer alternative models for relationships, challenging the traditional monogamous framework 5.

I think people have to be really careful. And I think, in particular, one of the areas that I have worked on in the past as well is that of emotional labor.

--- Ellie Anderson

These insights reveal the complexities of navigating relationships in a society influenced by patriarchal norms.