504 - Can Monogamy be Decolonized? A Conversation with Millie and Nick from Decolonizing Love

Historical Context

Millie Boella shares her experiences growing up in Kenya, where she was exposed to the history of colonization and its impacts on societal structures. She highlights the lack of awareness in Western countries about colonization's influence on relationship norms, such as monogamy, which is often presented as the default. Millie explains that colonization led to a cultural amnesia, erasing indigenous practices and promoting a narrative of progress that dismisses alternative relationship structures 1 2.

Colonization is taught as progress. Some of the disturbing comments that we've had, you know, on our channel is people said, but let's talk about the benefits of colonization.

--- Millie Boella

This historical context sets the stage for understanding the need to decolonize relationship norms and embrace diverse cultural practices 3.

   

Decolonizing Monogamy

Decolonizing monogamy involves consciously choosing relationship structures that align with personal values rather than societal scripts. Millie and Jase Lindgren discuss the importance of questioning traditional narratives about love and relationships, encouraging individuals to explore their desires and communicate openly 4 5. This approach challenges the colonial mindset of control and possession, promoting a more equitable and inclusive understanding of love.

The end goal of a decolonized monogamous person is a conscious monogamist, really. It's a person that chooses, that understands the world we live in, understands where monogamy comes from.

--- Millie Boella

By embracing nonviolent communication and valuing all types of relationships, individuals can create a more authentic and fulfilling love life 6.

   

Impact on Identity

Decolonization profoundly affects personal and cultural identity, encouraging fluidity and self-discovery. Millie emphasizes the importance of understanding the influences that shape our identities, allowing us to let go of rigid labels and embrace a more authentic self 7. This process involves unlearning societal norms and exploring diverse cultural practices, as seen in Millie's Kikuyu tribe, which offers various relationship options.

It's about you not following the script, but you just being curious about your soul's journey here in this life.

--- Millie Boella

Nick's journey into polyamory illustrates this identity exploration, as he embraced non-monogamy with Millie's guidance, challenging traditional views of romance and relationships 8.