296 - Relationship Health Checkup (with Erin Tillman)

Genuine Support

Erin Tillman discusses the concept of performative allyship, emphasizing the importance of genuine support in relationships. She shares her personal experiences, highlighting how her partner's actions during protests were sincere and supportive, contrasting with others who engaged in performative acts. Erin notes, "Really great allyship for me, feels like listening, feels like holding space, feels like saying, you know, I'm here for you."

You don't have to have a related or congruent identity experience to be an ally.

--- Erin Tillman

She stresses the value of listening and holding space over performative gestures, which often center the ally rather than the person they aim to support 1 2.

   

Navigating Challenges

Navigating allyship within relationships involves understanding and addressing identity differentials. Dedeker Winston and Erin explore the challenges of supporting a partner facing issues larger than the relationship itself. Erin reflects on her upbringing in a predominantly white town, where discussions on race were often uncomfortable and avoided.

We, as black people, for example, hate talking about this, too. We don't want to be talking about this. Like, it's effing exhausting.

--- Erin Tillman

Dedeker highlights the struggle of wanting to "fix" issues that are beyond one's control, emphasizing the importance of believing and supporting one's partner 3 4.