484 - Compersion is a Spectrum with Dr. Marie Thouin

Defining Compersion

Marie Thouin, a leading expert on compersion, has made significant strides in defining this concept. She co-authored the first official encyclopedic entry on compersion, emphasizing that it encompasses not just emotions but also attitudes, thoughts, and behaviors 1. This broader definition allows compersion to be applied beyond intimate relationships, making it a versatile concept 2. Jace Lindgren appreciates this comprehensive approach, seeing its potential in various life contexts 2.

   

Compersion vs. Jealousy

Compersion and jealousy often coexist, challenging the notion that they are opposites. Marie introduces the term "cumbers struggle" to describe the tension between these emotions, especially in non-monogamous contexts 3. She explains that in non-mononormative relationships, jealousy is seen as a signal to explore underlying emotions rather than a sign of relationship failure 3. This perspective allows compersion to flourish alongside jealousy, offering a more nuanced understanding of both emotions 4.

   

Erotic Compersion

Erotic compersion, a subset of compersion, involves deriving pleasure from a partner's sexual experiences. Marie explores whether this counts as compersion, noting that it depends on whether the pleasure is self-focused or other-focused 5. In cases where the enjoyment is centered on the partner's happiness and agency, it aligns with compersion. However, when the focus shifts to personal gratification at the partner's expense, it diverges from true compersion 5.