433 - Avoidance or Enlightenment? Spiritually Bypassing Relationship Problems

Spiritual Bypassing

Jase Lindgren introduces the concept of spiritual bypassing, a term coined by psychologist John Wellwood in 1984. This phenomenon involves using spirituality to avoid dealing with psychological challenges, such as painful emotions or unresolved issues 1. Dedeker Winston elaborates that spiritual bypassing can manifest in various belief systems, including Christianity, Buddhism, and even stoicism, where spiritual practices are used to sidestep real problems 2. Emily Matlack adds that bypassing often involves healing psychological wounds at the spiritual level only, neglecting the necessary work on cognitive, emotional, and interpersonal levels 3.

Spiritual bypass occurs when a person attempts to heal psychological wounds at the spiritual level only, and avoids the important, albeit often difficult and painful work at other levels.

--- Emily Matlack

This avoidance can prevent individuals from addressing the root causes of their issues, leading to a superficial sense of well-being.

   

Healthy Practices

Emily Matlack discusses the challenge of distinguishing between healthy coping mechanisms and spiritual bypassing. She suggests evaluating whether a practice encourages acceptance or avoidance of problems 4. Dedeker Winston emphasizes the importance of self-honesty and self-compassion in recognizing when short-term relief is being used as a substitute for addressing deeper issues 5. Jase Lindgren adds that patience and small changes can help individuals move towards healthier practices without abandoning their spiritual beliefs entirely 6.

You can ask yourself, does this practice encourage either turning away and avoiding versus turning towards and accepting?

--- Emily Matlack

This reflection can guide individuals in using spirituality as a tool for growth rather than avoidance.

   

Rationality & Avoidance

Dedeker Winston explores how logic and rationality can serve as tools for spiritual bypassing, particularly among men who may use these tactics to avoid confronting uncomfortable emotions 7. She notes that this behavior often aligns with societal expectations of men to be rational and unemotional, which can mask underlying fears and vulnerabilities 8. Jase Lindgren reflects on his own experiences, acknowledging that bypassing can occur in various contexts, including relationships and self-help circles 9.

The one I notice a lot for men in particular is using the kind of logic or stoicism as a type of spiritual bypassing, specifically about fear.

--- Jase Lindgren

Recognizing these patterns can help individuals confront their emotions more directly and foster healthier relationships.