189 - Handling Backlash

Fear Response

Dedeker Winston and Jase Lindgren explore how fear often manifests as backlash against non-monogamous relationships. They explain that this fear response is similar to the "gay panic" defense, where people irrationally perceive non-traditional relationships as threats to their identity and social tribe 1. Emily Matlack adds that even discussing non-monogamy can trigger fear in others, as it challenges deeply held beliefs about relationship norms 2.

If something comes along that challenges that, especially if there's some part of me that can relate to it a little bit, that fear of, like, oh, God, this is trying to take me out of my tribe.

--- Jase Lindgren

This fear is often rooted in the idea that examining or questioning traditional relationship structures threatens personal and societal norms.

   

Brain Reactions

The hosts discuss how primitive brain responses, particularly from the amygdala, contribute to knee-jerk reactions against non-traditional relationships. Emily Matlack explains that the amygdala stores fear responses, which can lead to automatic, aggressive reactions when faced with unfamiliar relationship structures 3. This is compounded by societal norms that equate non-monogamy with negative traits, such as being overly sexual or deviant 4.

The amygdala stores fear responses, and it's also responsible for the expression of those responses.

--- Emily Matlack

These responses are often unconscious and can be exacerbated by low serotonin levels, leading to less social cooperation and more aggression.

   

Generational Views

Generational differences play a significant role in how non-monogamous relationships are perceived. Dedeker Winston notes that older generations may cling to traditional views, often reacting negatively to non-traditional relationship structures 5. These perceptions are further complicated by existing prejudices related to race, sexuality, and gender identity, which can amplify fear responses 6.

Assuming that your relationship format is somehow inherently related to or caused by, for instance, your race.

--- Dedeker Winston

Such biases can lead to serious consequences, including loss of child custody or severed family connections, highlighting the need for greater understanding and acceptance.