477 - I Love You But I Don't Like You

Theories

The podcast explores the complex relationship between love and like, drawing on various theoretical perspectives. Jase Lindgren references an article from Psychology Today that inspired the discussion, highlighting the common experience of loving someone but not necessarily liking them 1. This phenomenon is often seen in family or long-term relationships where respect and admiration may wane over time. Dedeker Winston and Emily Matlack share personal insights, noting how dislike can eventually erode love, affecting the overall relationship quality 2.

At a certain point, they start to affect each other.

--- Dedeker Winston

The hosts also discuss Sternberg's triangular theory of love, which categorizes love into intimacy, passion, and commitment, offering a framework to understand how love and like interact.

   

Reflections

Personal reflections from the hosts reveal the nuanced balance between love and like in relationships. Emily Matlack suggests that liking involves mutual respect and admiration, which can sometimes feel more significant than love itself 3. This idea aligns with the Gottmans' research, which emphasizes the importance of friendship in predicting romantic relationship quality. Dedeker Winston shares her experience of openly expressing love to friends, highlighting the distinction between liking and loving in different social contexts 4.

Liking sounds better than loving.

--- Emily Matlack

These reflections underscore the importance of understanding both emotions to foster healthier relationships.

   

Love & Like Test

The episode introduces the Rubin scale of love and like, a tool designed to measure these emotions separately. Jase Lindgren describes taking the test, which consists of two sets of 13 questions each, aimed at assessing one's feelings towards a specific person 5. The test results can reveal interesting dynamics, such as how love and like scores compare across different relationships. Dedeker Winston humorously notes the potential awkwardness of comparing scores among friends 6.

My love, and like for both of you is very high.

--- Jase Lindgren

This tool provides a structured way to explore the complexities of love and like, offering insights into personal relationships.