Self-Reflection in Conflict
The dialogue in relationships often begins in our own minds, where we project our unhappiness onto our partner. By stepping back and engaging in self-reflection, we can identify our patterns and dependencies, allowing us to approach conflicts more constructively. True change requires ongoing commitment to this process, as solutions may not unfold as we envision.In this clip
From this podcast
Relationship Advice
235: How To Create The Relationship You Want
Related Questions
Can you be specific about how to utilize active listening, and why it's important? My partner doesn't seem to think it might not be healthy or productive to allow the hurt partner to have their "moment in the spotlight" while discussing that person's hurt or concern. For example, if I come to him with something I'm sad about, he responds with comments about how I do that too, or how I do XYZ and it hurts him, or else he will bring up how he hasn't healed from the dinner with the ex. He also seems to consider every disagreement or discussion about relationship issues that need a compromise as a "fight," and he often gets very angry, starts yelling, and tells me to leave the room. He gets defensive immediately, even if I'm careful to use "I" statements and avoid personalizing anything. It feels like any concern or issue I raise is perceived as an attack, despite my efforts to remind him that I'm his teammate. He frequently defers to comments like, "Oh, because you're always right, huh?" or accuses me of manipulating the situation because I'm a lawyer and he's not. When I seek advice from others, he often dismisses it as me being bossy or cocky. When discussing the importance of therapy to work on handling his intrusive thoughts and cognitive distortions that sabotage healthy communication, he acts as if I'm only researching one point of view, and he dismisses the idea that he needs therapy. He argues that his feelings are his own, and nobody should tell him how to feel, claiming that it would be inauthentic to ignore his feelings because they define who he is. How do I respond to this kind of mindset?
What does it mean when you realize you may have been making a mistake or taken criticism in a negative or defensive way on a project, as discussed in episode 225: Kim Scott | Care Personally, Challenge Directly with Radical Candor? How should I approach my relationship with one manager at work who rarely gives me the space to explain and often asserts herself in the middle of presentations? I'm going to change how I've been acting—I'm just an intern, but it's not obvious; everyone else loves me, and I love them. She has a different approach, and while it's useful in some ways, it's also frustrating. I'm proud that I recognize I need to adjust to her behavior. Will changing my approach help her loosen her resistance too?