Politeness vs. Assertiveness

Politeness and assertiveness are often viewed as contrasting communication styles, though both play significant roles in interpersonal interactions. Let's explore some insights from experts on these traits.

Politeness

Politeness is typically associated with adherence to social norms and can be highly contextual, varying significantly between cultures. For instance, what is considered polite in one cultural setting might be seen as overly formal or distant in another.

Andrew Gold in the podcast episode "Secrets Unveiled: The Power of Hidden Truths with Andrew Gold" discusses that people often assume we confide in polite individuals. However, in reality, politeness can sometimes be a barrier to open communication, especially in sharing sensitive information. Politeness may prevent people from telling secrets or personal truths to those who strictly adhere to societal norms, fearing judgment or betrayal. Polite behavior, therefore, can be deceptive or superficial in some circumstances 1.

Assertiveness

On the other hand, assertiveness involves expressing one's thoughts and feelings confidently and standing up for one's personal rights, respecting others in the process. It's often misunderstood as aggression but fundamentally differs because it is based on balance. Assertiveness allows for clear communication, setting boundaries without infringing on the rights of others.

Randy Paterson, in "The Art of Manliness" podcast, clarifies that assertive communication includes letting others speak and considering their viewpoints, unlike aggressive communication, which tends to dominate or ignore others’ needs. Assertiveness can be crucial for healthy relationships and effective communication, as it involves respect for both oneself and others 2.

Cultural Context

Cultural backgrounds significantly influence how politeness and assertiveness are perceived. Kim Scott in "All the Hacks" podcast explains that expressions of care and direct challenges vary across cultures. For instance, what might be seen as assertive in one culture could be perceived as rude in another. Adjusting communication styles to fit cultural contexts can greatly improve understanding and cooperation in diverse environments 3.

Conclusion

Both politeness and assertiveness have important roles in communication, with their effectiveness largely depending on context, culture, and the specific situations at hand. Understanding and adapting these communication styles can greatly enhance interpersonal relationships and workplace dynamics.