Why is divorce seen as a failure?

Divorce is often seen as a failure because it fundamentally disrupts the promises and expectations established during marriage. James Sexton, a divorce lawyer, explains that divorce marks the end of a chapter in one’s life that was meant to last forever, making it difficult to pretend that the outcome was intended. Society expects marriages to be a lifelong commitment, and when they end prematurely, it becomes clear that the original expectations were not met, contributing to the perception of failure 1 2.

Additionally, the process of divorce can be complex and emotionally charged, involving profound disconnection between partners. According to Sexton, the disconnection that leads to divorce often happens gradually before culminating in significant events like infidelity. People tend to seek simple answers such as cheating, but the root cause typically involves deeper, multifaceted issues 3.

Divorce also disrupts stability, particularly for high-performing individuals who rely on routine and control. This loss of control in significant aspects of life further adds to the sense of failure, as these individuals are used to managing their successes meticulously 4.

Despite the negative connotations, Sexton suggests viewing relationships as chapters in a book. Each chapter, including those that end in divorce, contributes to the overall narrative of a person's life. This perspective allows for appreciating the good that came from a relationship, even if it didn’t last 5. Moreover, finding beauty and positive outcomes from the experience of divorce can help shift the perception away from pure failure to one of growth and new beginnings 6.