Dealing with abusers at family events?

Dealing with abusers at family events can be very challenging. Jordan Harbinger has offered advice on this subject across several episodes, emphasizing the importance of protecting oneself and setting clear boundaries.

Key Points

1. Set Clear Boundaries: It is crucial to communicate clearly and set boundaries regarding your interactions with the abuser. You are not obligated to attend events where the abuser will be present if it threatens your well-being. Clearly state your stance to your family and stick to it. Jordan suggests it's essential to prioritize your emotional health and that you don't owe any explanations that compromise your peace (1).

2. Communicate Honestly: When family members try to act as if nothing happened, it's vital to be honest about your feelings and experiences. You do not need to cover for the abuser. If confronted, calmly explain the real reason for your decisions without feeling the need to justify or soften the truth for the sake of family unity (23).

   • 

     1

     Coping with Family

     00:01:37
   • 

     2

     Dealing with Family Abuse

     00:25:34
   • 

     3

     Dealing with Abuse

     00:05:51
   • 

     4

     Navigating Trauma Conversations

     00:13:15
   • 

     5

     Family Abuse Dynamics

     00:23:28

3. Self-Care and Support: Make plans that support your emotional needs. If necessary, skip events or create alternate plans that do not involve the abuser. It’s not your responsibility to maintain a facade of family unity at the cost of your mental health (2).

4. Seek Professional Help: Therapy can be a helpful tool in navigating these tough family dynamics. Whether it’s for coping with the trauma or developing strategies to deal with family pressures, professional advice can provide substantial support (4).

5. Family Dynamics: Some family members might deny the abuse or pressure you to maintain a facade for the sake of family peace. Remember, it is not your duty to keep the family happy by compromising your own well-being. Address these dynamics honestly and protect your own emotional space (5).

Practical Steps

• Explain Your Absence: If choosing not to attend, you can calmly explain to other family members the reasons behind your absence without feeling guilty. You are entitled to your feelings and your boundaries (1).
• Find Solidarity: Confide in supportive family members who believe you and maintain a strong support network to help you navigate these events (4).
• Alternative Gathering: Consider attending or hosting a separate family gathering without the abuser to avoid confrontation and stress.

Ultimately, make decisions that ensure your well-being and emotional health, and seek support where necessary.