What is bidding in a relationship?

Bidding in a relationship refers to the small moments of interaction and attempts to connect between partners, often involving a verbal or nonverbal signal from one person and a response from the other. This concept, also known as bids for connection, was developed by relationship experts Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman after extensive research into the dynamics of successful relationships. A bid might be an explicit verbal attempt to engage, such as saying, "Let's talk about our day," or a nonverbal cue like a sigh, which invites the partner to inquire or express concern.

The way partners respond to each other's bids is crucial. They can:

1. Turn towards the bid by engaging, showing interest, or offering support.
2. Turn away from the bid by ignoring it.
3. Turn against the bid by responding negatively, such as expressing annoyance.

According to the Gottman Institute, couples termed "relationship masters" turn towards each other's bids around 86% of the time, while "relationship disasters" do so only about 33% of the time. This act of responding to bids constructively is essential for relationship health and can be learned and applied to strengthen connections, both romantic and otherwise 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8.