How to unlearn shame?
How to unlearn shame?
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Unlearning shame requires a multifaceted approach, blending self-awareness, compassion, and gradual changes over time:
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Identify and Understand Shame: Recognize the sources and triggers of your shame. Paul Conti highlights that understanding why you feel shame is the first step to changing those feelings. Reflect on experiences and societal influences that contribute to your shame 1.
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Deshame the Moment: Focus on reducing the immediate impact of shame. Dr. Becky Kennedy offers a strategy for parents to deshame their children by connecting and empathizing first, rather than correcting immediately. This method helps in "thawing" the freeze response caused by shame 2.
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Practice Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself as you would to someone you love. Brené Brown emphasizes showing self-compassion and being kind to ourselves during shameful moments to stop negative self-talk and avoid spreading the shame to others 3.
Understanding and Changing Feelings
Discover how understanding the root cause of our feelings can lead to lasting change. Learn why short-term fixes aren't always the answer and how the power of repetition can shape our thoughts and emotions over time.The Peter Attia Drive Podcast
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Seek Empathy and Connection: Share your experiences with trusted individuals to break the isolation of shame. Empathy from others can diminish the power of shame, as shared by Brené Brown 3.
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Educate Yourself: For specific types of shame, like sexual shame, Emily Morse recommends re-educating oneself to replace outdated or harmful beliefs from childhood and societal norms. This involves reading and listening to informed resources 4.
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Gradual Change: Realize that changing entrenched feelings of shame is a gradual process. Paul Conti notes that true change happens over time through ongoing self-work and reinforcing new positive pathways in the brain 1.
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Vulnerability: Embrace vulnerability and share your authentic self. Aubrey Marcus and Humble The Poet discuss the importance of leading with vulnerability to connect with others and reduce internal shame 5.
Following these expert strategies can help you gradually unlearn shame and foster a healthier, more compassionate self-perception.