What causes infidelity?

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Infidelity can stem from various underlying causes, as discussed by Jordan Harbinger on several episodes of his podcast.

One major cause discussed is unhappiness and dissatisfaction within the relationship. Dr. David Buss posits that women who are unhappy, both sexually and emotionally, with their current relationships are more likely to engage in affairs. This dissatisfaction leads them to seek out new partners as a way to find what is missing in their current relationship 1.

Another factor highlighted is the difference in how men and women approach infidelity. Men might seek out affairs regardless of their level of satisfaction in their primary relationships, driven by novelty and impulsive behavior. They often do not have the same emotional attachment to their affair partners as women do 2.

Additionally, personal traits and psychological issues, such as those seen in narcissistic individuals, can lead to infidelity. Narcissists often seek novelty and quick rewards, making them more likely to cheat. Their constant need for new and exciting stimulation drives them to infidelity as they lose interest in long-term partners quickly 3.

Mate Switching Insights

David presents a compelling argument for the mate switching hypothesis as a more plausible explanation for why women have affairs, challenging the prevalent good genes theory. He highlights that unhappy women are more likely to engage in infidelity, while men show no significant difference in relationship satisfaction when they cheat. Additionally, he discusses the emotional attachment women often develop with their affair partners, which contradicts the idea of purely seeking superior genes.
The Jordan Harbinger Show
123: David Buss | Troubleshooting Strategies from the Evolution of Desire
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It is also crucial to consider communication issues and unmet needs within the marriage. There can be situations where one partner feels neglected or unappreciated, leading them to stray to fulfill those unmet needs. Therapy and open conversations are recommended to identify and resolve these issues 4.

Finally, emotional and situational factors can play a significant role. Major life transitions or stress, such as leaving the military or dealing with significant job changes, can create an environment where individuals seek solace or escape in infidelity 5.

In summary, infidelity is often the result of complex interactions between personal dissatisfaction, psychological traits, unmet needs, and situational factors, and addressing these underlying issues is key to preventing and dealing with infidelity in relationships.

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