The Voices Inside Our Heads

IFS Basics

Dr. Becky Kennedy introduces the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, a framework that explores our internal dialogues and relationships with different parts of ourselves. Dick Schwartz, the founder of IFS, explains that these parts often interact like a family, with some parts taking on roles that can be destructive due to past traumas or negative experiences 1. The goal of IFS is to help these parts unburden themselves from extreme beliefs and emotions, allowing them to transform into supportive roles in our lives 2.

The basic idea is that we all have what I call parts of us that interact inside of us, and they're often patterns to those interactions.

--- Dick Schwartz

This transformation can significantly impact parenting, as understanding and healing these parts can lead to more intentional and less reactive parenting styles.

   

Role of Self

The concept of 'Self' in IFS is characterized by the eight C's: compassion, creativity, curiosity, confidence, courage, calm, connectedness, and clarity. Dick Schwartz emphasizes that when individuals access their Self, they can lead their lives and parenting from a place of balance and understanding 3. This Self-led approach allows parents to connect with their children more deeply, fostering an environment where both can thrive.

When I'm working with a parenthood, the goal becomes to help them lead their parenting from this place with those eight C's, what we call self-led parenting.

--- Dick Schwartz

By embodying these qualities, parents can guide their children through challenges with empathy and insight, promoting healthier family dynamics 4.

   

Part Categories

In IFS, different parts within us are categorized based on their roles and interactions. Dick Schwartz describes vulnerable inner children as parts that carry burdens from past traumas, often feeling stuck in time and influencing our current behaviors 5. These parts, known as exiles, can lead to feelings of worthlessness and are often protected by other parts called managers, which include inner critics that echo past criticisms to keep us safe 6.

Those parts that are these vulnerable inner children who get so hurt or shamed or terrified, now they have the power to make us feel terrible.

--- Dick Schwartz

Understanding these dynamics allows individuals to address and heal these parts, unlocking creativity and joy that may have been suppressed.