Why you should connect with your kid, not correct them

Shame

Shame is a powerful emotion that can significantly impact children, often manifesting as a freeze state where they appear unresponsive. Dr. Becky Kennedy explains that this reaction is not disrespect but rather a sign of being overwhelmed and frightened. In such moments, the most effective response is to offer presence and reassurance, rather than chastisement, which only exacerbates the feeling of shame 1.

When you notice shame in your child, your main goal is surviving the moment. Like, there's nothing effective, you're going to say, because if they're frozen in that way and they're so overstimulated and therefore overwhelmed and frightened, the only thing that matters is our presence.

--- Dr. Becky Kennedy

By reframing these interactions, parents can better support their children through difficult emotions, fostering a more understanding and nurturing environment.

   

Confidence

Confidence is often misunderstood as merely feeling good about oneself, but Dr. Becky Kennedy redefines it as self-trust, especially in challenging situations. She shares insights from her practice, highlighting how parents' expectations of confidence can be contradictory, depending on their child's age and behavior 2.

So when our kids are young, we define confidence as doing what all the other kids are doing. And when our kids are older, we define confidence as being able to resist what other kids are doing and doing your own thing.

--- Dr. Becky Kennedy

This redefinition encourages parents to help their children trust their instincts and be curious about their feelings, rather than simply conforming to external standards.