482 - Un-Diagnose Yourself with Todd Baratz

Endings

Navigating the end of romantic relationships, especially in non-monogamous communities, presents unique challenges. Jase Lindgren highlights the pressure to maintain friendships post-breakup, which can sometimes be unhealthy 1. Todd Baratz shares his personal experience, emphasizing the importance of setting boundaries to avoid unnecessary intimacy that can hinder personal growth 1. He reflects on the complexity of ending relationships, noting, "There's just so much anxiety regardless of the structure of your relationship. And again, it's because one fundamentally, it's just kind of sucked. It's really just hard. It's lost. There's nothing to do with it but to work through it, to feel it."

There's just so much anxiety regardless of the structure of your relationship. And again, it's because one fundamentally, it's just kind of sucked. It's really just hard. It's lost. There's nothing to do with it but to work through it, to feel it.

--- Todd Baratz

Emily Matlack adds that understanding the "price of admission" in relationships is crucial, as it involves accepting certain annoyances as part of being with someone 2.

   

Chosen Family

The concept of chosen family is significant, especially when biological families are unsupportive. Todd Baratz explains that in queer communities, partners often become chosen family, making it difficult to sever ties after a breakup 3. He challenges the heteronormative expectation to cut off contact with exes, noting, "When we form relationships with somebody and you spend a long time with them, they become your family, they become your chosen family."

When we form relationships with somebody and you spend a long time with them, they become your family, they become your chosen family.

--- Todd Baratz

Dedeker Winston discusses the nuanced understanding of infidelity, emphasizing that it often stems from unmet needs within the relationship rather than moral failings 4.

   

Expectations

Expectations in relationships often revolve around what is considered "good enough." Todd Baratz encourages embracing relationships that are satisfying most of the time, rather than seeking perfection 5. He argues that the "good enough" concept is about finding satisfaction amidst normal conflicts and disappointments. Emily Matlack introduces the idea of the "price of admission," which involves accepting certain flaws in a partner as part of the relationship 2.

The response isn't to settle for a shitty relationship. It's to settle for a relationship that is good enough.

--- Todd Baratz

This perspective encourages individuals to focus on improving their relationships rather than constantly evaluating them against unrealistic standards.