388 - How to Gain Self-Worth and Stop Comparing Part 2

Psychology

The psychology of comparison reveals its deep-rooted impact on our emotions and behaviors. Dedeker Winston explains that comparison often triggers shame, leading to a cascade of negative emotions and maladaptive responses like withdrawal or anger 1. This shame can distort our self-perception and interactions with others. Emily Matlack adds that social comparison theory, introduced by Leon Festinger, suggests an innate drive to evaluate ourselves against others 2. This process is not inherently negative, but when it fosters feelings of superiority or contempt, it can damage relationships.

If you, on a particular issue with your partner, feel like I'm morally superior or ethically superior to them, or, I don't know, financially superior, mentally superior, whatever it is that that can really encourage those contempt behaviors.

--- Dedeker Winston

The brain's reward system, particularly the ventral striatum, plays a role in this comparison process, reacting to both primary and secondary rewards, which can make social comparison feel rewarding despite its potential harm 3.

   

Self-Worth

Comparison can significantly impact self-worth, often leading to dissatisfaction and emotional distress. Emily Matlack notes that unfavorable comparisons, especially regarding appearance, can lead to dissatisfaction, a phenomenon exacerbated by social media's endless stream of idealized images 4. This constant exposure can overwhelm individuals, making them feel inadequate. Jase Lindgren highlights how these comparisons can spiral into feelings of envy and jealousy, particularly when based on inaccurate perceptions 5.

If it's like I'm great because I'm good at sex and then I compare myself to someone who I think is better at sex than me, it's like now I'm not as desirable, I'm bad.

--- Jase Lindgren

To combat these negative effects, it's crucial to develop a more accurate self-assessment and detach self-worth from external comparisons.