Working on shame

Addressing or overcoming shame is a challenging but vital process for personal development. Various experts offer insights and strategies to help individuals deal with shame effectively:

1. Self-Compassion:

   • Dr. Margaret Rutherford emphasizes that compassion for oneself is crucial. She suggests viewing your actions with the same kindness you would extend to a friend, helping to reframe your experiences and release guilt and shame 1.

2. Understanding Shame:

   • It's helpful to distinguish shame from other emotions like guilt, embarrassment, and humiliation. Kristen Truempy discusses how understanding these differences can help you communicate about these feelings without internalizing shame as part of your character. This understanding can also highlight cultural influences on shame 2.

3. Daily Strategies:

   • Joseph Burgo talks about everyday strategies to cope with shame, such as avoiding situations that might lead to shame, denying shame defensively, and using humor to control shame. These strategies help manage the inevitable, daily occurrences of shame 3.
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       1

       Releasing Guilt and Shame

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       2

       The Power of Shame

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       3

       Coping with Everyday Shame

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       4

       Embracing Shame

       01:13:24
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       5

       The Weight of Shame

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       6

       Navigating Shame

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       7

       Releasing Shame

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       8

       Unpacking Shame

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4. Sitting with Shame:

   • Aubrey Marcus and Chris Williamson discuss the importance of allowing oneself to sit with shame. Although it’s difficult, doing so can teach valuable lessons and promote personal growth 4.

5. Addressing Shame in Relationships:

   • In narcissistic relationships, both the narcissist and their partners experience profound shame, albeit for different reasons. Understanding these dynamics can help in addressing the shame felt by those involved 5.

6. First Contact:

   • Simone Saunders suggests that simply labelling and accepting the word "shame" and involving physical containment (like with weighted blankets) can be powerful initial steps in processing shame 6.

7. Returning Shame:

   • Dedeker Winston shares a meditative practice of visualizing the return of shame to its origins—those who imposed it. This method can help alleviate the burden of shame 7.

8. Definition and Support:

   • Defining shame and understanding its sources are fundamental. Erin Tillman discusses how judgment and societal expectations contribute to feelings of shame, underscoring the importance of emotional support and openness from loved ones 8.

These insights form a varied toolkit for anyone working to overcome shame, combining self-reflection, support, and practical strategies to foster healing and personal development.