720. High Functioning Codependent? This is for YOU

Codependency

Terri Cole, a licensed psychotherapist, introduces the concept of high-functioning codependency (HFC) as a distinct form of codependency. Unlike traditional codependency, HFC involves being overly invested in others' lives to the detriment of one's own peace, without necessarily being dependent on them 1. Terri explains that many capable individuals, particularly women, struggle with this condition, often without recognizing it due to misconceptions about codependency 2. She emphasizes the importance of recognizing these patterns for recovery, stating:

We're not getting cured. This is just like any other compulsive behavior. So recovery is where it's at.

--- Terri Cole

   

Control

The tension between caring and controlling is a central theme in codependent relationships. Terri Cole discusses how high-functioning codependents often blur the lines between genuine care and the need to control others' actions, which can be dehumanizing 3. She advises fostering mutuality in relationships by allowing others to express their needs and make their own decisions 4. Terri highlights the importance of stepping back:

People have a right to succeed and fail, right to thrive and flail.

--- Terri Cole

   

Childhood

Early family dynamics and societal expectations significantly shape codependent behaviors. Terri Cole explains that many are raised in environments that prioritize compliance and self-abandonment, often influenced by patriarchal norms 5. She describes how chaotic family systems can lead to parentification, where children take on adult responsibilities, fostering hyper-vigilance and a focus on others' needs 6. Terri notes:

We create this hyper vigilance around responsibility.

--- Terri Cole