The Forgiving Brain

Stages

Robert Enright outlines the stages of forgiveness, starting with uncovering the effects of trauma. This includes anger, rumination, and fatigue, which are common responses to being wronged. He emphasizes the importance of the decision phase, where one chooses to forgive without excusing the wrongdoer. This leads to the work phase, where one becomes 'forgivingly fit' by seeing the humanity in the other person and standing in the pain of what happened 1. Enright advises starting small, like committing to 'do no harm,' to prevent anger from spreading within families 2.

   

Neurology

Forgiveness also has a neurological component. Studies show that people who tend to forgive have more gray matter in their prefrontal cortex, which is involved in decision-making and empathy. Enright discusses whether forgiving can increase gray matter or if having more gray matter makes one more inclined to forgive, a question that remains open for future research 3. He also mentions tools like the Enright Forgiveness Inventory to measure one's capacity to forgive, highlighting that even small movements on the scale can significantly improve mental health 3.

   

Examples

Personal stories bring the stages of forgiveness to life. Everett Worthington, a psychologist, faced the ultimate test of forgiveness when his mother was murdered. Despite the tragedy, he realized the importance of forgiveness within hours of the incident 4. Enright shares another story of a man who forgave the murderer of his son just days after the tragedy, showcasing extraordinary forgiveness 5. These examples illustrate that while forgiveness can be incredibly challenging, it is possible and can lead to profound healing.