Love is Blind

Adaptive Love

Shankar Vedantam explores the concept of adaptive love, emphasizing that relationships evolve as partners grow and change over time. He argues that successful relationships often involve a degree of self-deception, where partners focus on each other's virtues rather than flaws. This mindset helps couples transition from wanting the one they desire to desiring the one they are with 1.

Most relationships accordingly, benefit from a certain degree of self deception. At some point, successful relationships involve transitioning from being with the one you want to wanting the one you're with.

--- Shankar Vedantam

Vedantam suggests that embracing useful delusions can lead to a happier and more fulfilling partnership 2.

   

Faith in Partners

Faith and trust in one's partner are highlighted as crucial elements for sustaining a strong relationship. Shankar shares a personal story about his parents, illustrating how his father's unwavering belief in his mother's decisions contributed to a harmonious marriage 2. This faith, while seemingly delusional, allowed for quick and conflict-free decision-making in their family life.

My father's simple faith in my mother's infallibility meant many important decisions got made quickly, easily and without recrimination.

--- Shankar Vedantam

Vedantam warns against the pitfalls of assortative mating, where partners with similar traits may clash over minor differences 1.