Healing Your Heart

Cognitive Focus

Lucy Hone emphasizes the importance of cognitive focus in building resilience and recovery. She shares her personal experience of consciously choosing where to direct her attention, a technique rooted in cognitive behavioral therapy. By limiting herself to only two "what ifs," she avoided being consumed by grief, instead focusing on actions that were within her control 1. This approach aligns with resilience training programs, like those developed for the U.S. military, which stress the significance of being aware of how thoughts and actions interact 2.

There was very much that kind of cognitive focus that you need to be aware of the way your thoughts and actions are combining and really question whether the ways you are thinking and acting are working for you or working against you.

--- Lucy Hone

By "hunting the good stuff," individuals can train themselves to focus on positive aspects, aiding in emotional recovery 2.

   

Positive Emotion

Incorporating positive emotions into daily life is a key strategy for resilience. Lucy Hone discusses how engaging with nature and attending her children's activities helped her find moments of serenity and pride, which were crucial for her emotional well-being 3. She highlights the importance of focusing on what one can control, a concept that resonates with ancient philosophies like Buddhism and Stoicism.

We can only do what we can do, but if we pay attention to what we can do, that's not nothing.

--- Shankar Vedantam

By seeking out experiences that evoke positive emotions, individuals can counterbalance the weight of grief and foster resilience 3.

   

Personal Empowerment

Personal empowerment plays a crucial role in navigating grief. Lucy Hone explains how taking control of her choices, such as deciding not to attend the trial of the driver involved in her daughter's accident, allowed her to focus on what truly mattered 1. This sense of agency helped her adapt to her loss, moving beyond the passive acceptance suggested by traditional grief models 4.

Grief is full of choices. And so when we were invited to go to the trial, I used a strategy that encourages you to ask yourself, is doing that going to help me or harm me in my quest to survive this loss?

--- Lucy Hone

By viewing herself as both a researcher and a subject, she explored how resilience psychology tools could be applied to her own experience, empowering her journey through grief 4.