Stan Tatkin - Finding Love and Relieving Relationship Tension During Covid

Quiet Love

In the midst of the pandemic, Dr. Stan Tatkin emphasizes the significance of spending undistracted, relaxed time with partners to strengthen bonds. He suggests that periods of quiet love, such as nighttime and mornings, are crucial for replenishing and connecting with each other. This practice involves being in a relaxed state, free from distractions, akin to a campout or sleepover, where partners can simply be together and see what arises 1.

Just a time of something we call quiet love, which is being in an alert and relaxed state.

--- Dr. Stan Tatkin

Tatkin notes that this approach can be more energizing and resourcing than being alone, and it helps in dealing with the stress and pressures of current times 2.

   

Love Connection

Attentive observation and interaction are key to enhancing feelings of love and connection, according to Dr. Stan Tatkin. He explains that paying close attention to a partner's face, akin to a kaleidoscope, can reignite feelings of love and break through the automatic brain's tendency to take things for granted 3. This practice of studying faces and engaging in eye contact can lead to a renewed sense of connection.

The more attention that we pay to our partner and not ourselves...the more we tend to fall in love with them.

--- Dr. Stan Tatkin

Tatkin highlights that co-regulation, or the ability to regulate emotions through interaction with others, is a natural human trait that can be challenging yet rewarding in adult relationships 4.

   

Shared Purpose

Creating a shared vision and purpose is essential for lasting connection in relationships, Dr. Stan Tatkin advises. He suggests that couples should contemplate what kind of partnership they want to build, focusing on mutual goals rather than individual desires 5. This shared purpose acts as a guide during times of distress, helping couples navigate challenges together.

Without a shared purpose and a shared meaning, tools go out the window when we're in distress.

--- Dr. Stan Tatkin

Tatkin also emphasizes the importance of face-to-face communication and taking turns in conversations to maintain order and focus, which can help resolve misunderstandings and strengthen the partnership 6.